Proper 20 2015
A couple of years ago, the Diocese of Chicago engaged a
group called “Fierce Inc.” to train diocesan staff in “Fierce Conversations.”
Fierce Inc. worked with corporations…
The idea behind Fierce Conversations
“Our lives
succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time.”
This
means:
“While no
single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a
business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can.”
In
other words, there are many times throughout our lives where either we’re not having the honest conversations we
need to have—and it may be that at some point we have the conversation that brings it all crashing down, or the
one that turns everything around
for us.
Because, as they also say, “The conversation is the relationship.”
So,
however we are relating in our conversations—whether honestly, or safely (“not rocking the boat”)—that is the relationship…
Anyway, reasons for the diocese connecting with Fierce (not
hard to guess)
The
Diocese of Chicago, along with congregations in transition
Bold
actions/Renewed vision—require buy-in and collaboration
Church
people believe that we are always supposed to “be nice”
Pretend
we don’t fight/have conflict/have problems
Playing
at it for hundreds of years still hasn’t made it true.
So,
the Fierce conversations model challenges us to: “Come out from behind
[ourselves] into the conversation and make it real.”
This is the
clever way to say: put away the persona when we’re about to have a difficult conversation (nice version of self/the
version too quick to smooth things over); be honest, and allow the conversation to do something. Actually work toward a resolution.
One models of conversation is the “Mineral Rights”
(lists self-reflection
questions/questions to pose the other person, as well)
Asks you to
interrogate reality
Check
that we understand that our own understanding/perspectives are only a part of how big and complex reality really
is…
Figure
out where our DNA is on the conflict. What have we contributed, or added to the situation
that has made it difficult?
Both of these
are really helpful reflections in general—in conflict situations, necessary.
Not “new” ideas…
In the Letter
of James…
Reminds
us that our work should reflect gentleness born of wisdom…
But,
he is also quick to point out that any such work can still bring about envy and ambition in our hearts…but this, he
warns, brings about disorder.
Whereas,
this wisdom (and understanding) he speaks of is peaceable, gentle, willing
to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.
But, as we all know from our own experiences in life, and
life in Church—it takes work to keep these
things in check.
Regularly
self-reflect as individuals/community
James offers us something like the “Mineral Rights”
questions…
These
conflicts among you:
Come
from the cravings at war within you
(he’s not saying we’re bad—just have agendas)
Want
something, and force your own way and will
(often times these are the conversations with
the people who aren’t the people we need to
talk to…triangulation)
If
you don’t get your way…you engage in disputes (again, triangulation)
You
do not have because you do not ask
(I think this fits because when people are
not talking to the people they need to,
most times the things that they might want or need will never be made clear,
because the triangulation is such that even requests and needs are not communicated…In the
church, this is where the clergy get in trouble because we’re expected
to read minds…)
If
you ask, you ask wrongly…
(here, I think, that once things are on a
roll—resentment can lead us to work our
agendas even harder. And, by this point, because we haven’t taken time to reflect
on what’s going on in ourselves, or might be the perspectives of others
involved—we become entrenched, and feel that we have little choice but to have
our way, at whatever cost…which is a dangerous place.)
In other
words, when we make the life of the Church about ourselves and our needs rather than the needs of the Church,
and the work of the Kingdom—we have all but lost sight of our purpose.
This
is why, I think James ends this passage by saying: “Submit yourselves to God.
Resist the devil” (or any of the unhealthy nonsense that poisons community)…
“Draw near to God, and God will draw near to you.”
Isn’t that
what we’ve come here for?
I know I talk about community/responsibility/wholeness/health…
It’s
imperative that we keep in mind that our actions/inactions/behaviors can poison
and destroy a community of
faith…
And another reason I talk so much about it, is because the
Bible talks a lot about it…
These are not
“new” or “novel” challenges
And things
like “Fierce Conversations” will continue to offer new approaches to these age-old matters…but that’s not to say
that they can’t help.
Community is
everything: not Christians alone…
What is truly “fierce” is that we are called to heirs of a
Kingdom where the only the most humble are given the greatest honor; and where
the purpose of each one of us, is to always seek to care for others in Christ’s
name.
Puts our
culture on its head
Undermines
our illusions of power, prestige, importance
Because at the center of all of this is
A King who
humbles himself to be broken on the wood of a cross
And a God who
would offer his Son for people who would never really get it…
So, no room for personal agendas in Kingdom work
Only place
for checking our own hearts
And loving
God, and loving the people of God
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